My Dearest Baby Girl,
As I sit here to write about you, I just realized that this is going to be my first blog post without you by my side or under my feet. All I can do is look around my place and see all of your favorite spots empty. I knew that this day would eventually come, but I had no idea it would come so soon. Even when you were first diagnosed with Lymphoma I was reminded of your precious mortality but found comfort in your unbelievable courage and resolve.
You were such a big part of my life Baby Girl, everything I did revolved around you. My schedule, what kind of car I bought or the place I lived in was built around us not just me. My only regret is that we didn’t find each other sooner. Our four-year anniversary was just a couple of weeks away but you had other places that you needed to go to. A place where you can find peace, free of pain, free of chemotherapy, free to run around in knee high grass that you can push your nose and face through. You always loved the way overgrown grass would brush up against your face.
We went through so much in such a short period of time. You were my first dog and you were so very patient with me as we got to know each other, I am so sorry for the times when I was mean to you, I simply did not know any better. I always hear people say that dogs have short-term memories and don’t hold grudges. I disagree, I think dogs have perfect memories; they never forget they simply always forgive.
In all of the thousands of walks we must have been on, never, ever was it a chore for me. No matter how early or how late, walking with you was something I always looked forward to. I am trying to keep myself busy, love… but it’s so hard. Just yesterday I finally got some curtains for our room so the lights from the parking garage wouldn’t shine so brightly through the windows at night…I installed them as soon as I got home and wished that I had taken longer. My mornings and nights are so empty without you. Coming home and sliding my key in the front door without hearing you on the other side is a silence that crushes my spirit. Every move I make I await your reaction, every time I grab my car keys I wait for you to run to me, every time I go to the kitchen to get something to eat, when I turn around you are not there anymore and I miss you so very much.
All I can do is try to look back on how greatly you touched my life and how you have forever changed me. As of right now any laugh or smile that I can muster is anchored by the weight of losing you. I have to let myself grieve and hope for the time when my days are no longer filled with your absence. Your paw prints are all over my heart and I will never forget you. Thank you for blessing me with our time together, however brief. I love you so much Harley Girl, until we walk together again.
I will love you always,